Some of us do this by writing about how it felt to make the amends and what we learned from the experience. Guilt and shame are the unnecessary chains that bind us to our past. By practicing these spiritual principles we can break those chains and achieve the freedom from our addiction that we have yearned for. Our sponsors can help us explore each of these concepts so that we gain perspective on the nature of our specific amends and stay focused on what we’re supposed to be doing. The key is that we keep the focus on ourselves and our “side of the street,” so to speak. Cake offers its users do-it-yourself online forms to complete their own wills and generalized educational content about wills.
Questions About Treatment?
- Making amends is more than just an apology, it’s changing your life around and changing your ways; eliminating the destructive behaviors that were once part of your life.
- Also, it may not be a good idea to make direct amends if it could potentially stir something up.
- We have already begun making amends to ourselves by changing some of our behaviors, attitudes and beliefs.
- In simple terms, it means taking responsibility for the person you used to be and how you caused harm to the people in your life who care about you.
- In opening up some past wrongs and in making those amends, many dear and wonderful people have also received healing, an understanding and answers to stuff they were holding on to for far too long.
- For example, there may be a situation where the person (or people) we’ve harmed are not aware of what we did, and learning about it might possibly harm them even more.
We are not attorneys and are not providing you with legal advice. Many users would be better served consulting an attorney than using a do-it-yourself online form. The fees for the advice of an attorney should not be compared to the fees of do-it-yourself online forms. We cannot give you customized advice on your situation or needs, which would require the service of an actual attorney.
Evidence-Based Addiction Treatments and Step 9 AA
They have been hurt by your actions, and they may not be willing to forgive and forget. They may have been hurt in ways that you were not able to identify when preparing to make amends. Making amends does not necessarily depend on your ability to connect with a person or how they respond to you. Well, there are no half measures, and it ain’t easy… if it were easy, everyone would be doing it! It takes strength and courage to own up to our mistakes, and when necessary, make restitutions.
Understanding AA Step 9
If making an amends means exposing ourselves to triggering environments, we ought to reconsider and discuss healthy alternatives with a sponsor or addiction counselor. Today I am working on (the behaviors noted above) by ___________________. I recognize that you may not trust my intentions or my ability to change today and I do not blame you, but my hope is that over time the changes in my behavior will demonstrate my commitment to recovery. If there’s anything I can do today to make things right, please let me know.
If you stole something from someone you cannot reasonably return the item to, you could simply resolve not to steal again from others as part of your long-term recovery goals. Drug rehabilitation A “living” solution is one that we practice in our wider lives, such as avoiding the temptations of manipulation and behaviors that harm others. Step Nine can leave you emotionally exhausted; it’s a difficult step to navigate. But the rewards you’ll reap from living amends can help make the challenges easier and more productive. Making amends with the people you’ve fallen out with as you’re thinking about mortality and what happens when you die is one way of finding emotional freedom and closure. But what happens when the person you need to make amends with dies before you’re able to apologize and change your ways?
In fact we usually discover that what we first thought was the obvious method of making amends, might not be right after all. To fix broken relationships, you have to put a lot of effort into making things work. It’s not enough to say to someone that you apologize and feel badly for how you acted in the past. It takes a certain maturity and level of respect for yourself and the person you’re hoping to reconnect with to get past any past issues. For every time you said you’d be there or that you’d help someone do something and didn’t show up, you’ve left an impression upon that person that they can’t rely on you to keep your word.
- Sometimes, you may not have the opportunity to make direct amends to the person you harmed.
- If one of our articles is marked with a ‘reviewed for accuracy and expertise’ badge, it indicates that one or more members of our team of doctors and clinicians have reviewed the article further to ensure accuracy.
- If you aren’t able to make direct amends, then you can volunteer your time or help someone else out.
- This is part of our ongoing commitment to ensure FHE Health is trusted as a leader in mental health and addiction care.
If You’re Struggling to Make Amends
- Making amends does not necessarily depend on your ability to connect with a person or how they respond to you.
- The spiritual principle involved is that of forgiveness, not only from others but forgiveness of self, which can bring healing to both parties.
- Unfortunately, there are many things that we do in our using that we can not rectify with tangible goods or direct amends.
Remember, we are present to clean “our side of the street” or address our wrongs and roles to the best of our ability. The other person has every right to feel the way they do about a previous conflict. But when I worked this step with my sponsor I realized that I had several issues that I didn’t even realize I needed to make amends about. The first being the alcoholics in my life, I had a part in their disease and didn’t know what I had done to them.
It is important to take your time and be intentional with your actions while working this Step. To learn more about addiction recovery, including AA, reach out to Silver Mist Recovery. It’s not one we use too frequently in our everyday language, but it still holds significant meaning. To make amends means to apologize for something you have done or for wronging someone in some way. The FHE Health team is committed to providing accurate information that adheres to the highest standards of writing. If one of our articles is marked with a ‘reviewed for accuracy and expertise’ badge, it indicates that living amends aa one or more members of our team of doctors and clinicians have reviewed the article further to ensure accuracy.
Promises to do things differently
Don’t letting putting off making an apology or paying a debt you owe become a bigger problem in the future that could cause you to pick up a drink. On the other hand, if you deal with the situation from the past, then there is no way for it to come back and bite you later. You have dealt with it properly, you’ve kept your side of the street clean, and you’ve put the mistake from the past behind you. John C. Umhau, MD, MPH, CPE is board-certified in addiction medicine and preventative medicine. For over 20 years Dr. Umhau was a senior clinical investigator at the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism of the National Institutes of Health (NIH). American Addiction Centers (AAC) is committed to delivering original, truthful, accurate, unbiased, and medically current information.
A Choice for Meaningful Treatment with Dignity
While the exact steps of the amends process will look different for each item and relationship on your list, there are a few constants that will be key in creating lasting peace in place of pain. If you’re ready to begin the process of recovery, we’re here to help. When first writing your list, don’t worry about including everyone you have wronged. Over time, as you strengthen and deepen your recovery from addiction, you will undoubtedly revisit Steps 8 and 9 many times. Eventually you will find you are making amends day by day through the positive actions you routinely take in living by Twelve Step principles.